How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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