I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
