omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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