I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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