I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
