i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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