The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
