I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
