I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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