Buhtt sex?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
