y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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