My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
