i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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