I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
