We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Pooping to opera.
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