I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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