Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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