that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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