I must be too annoying 4 u.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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