Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
