He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
