Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
