she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
