just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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