If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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