don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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