Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
This house was built for laser tag.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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