All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
