i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
