what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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