Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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