Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
