yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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