Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
