Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
