apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
