so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
