I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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