And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
