I love black thongs
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
