Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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