2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize