she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
