is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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