LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
