Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
