i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize