Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just google imaged poop.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
