On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
