So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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