Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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