Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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