chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
vagina is talking i cant
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
