I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Randomize
