I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
