Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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