I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
