I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
