don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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