I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
