I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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