I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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