So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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