I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
