Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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