we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
