plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
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