Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
